Monthly Archives: April 2013

Proven Methods to Ensure Stress Free Parenting

April 29, 2013   Savoury   2 Comments

 

Boy it has been one of those mornings; you know the ones…..

You wake up at crack of noon and are raring to go a whole .00001 miles an hour to get to the coffee pot. I pour the water in on my now second attempt to start the blasted contraption and await the beloved perking sound. Settling into into a cozy seat I wonder why they call these machines automatic! I pick up the paper and a bold printed article screams out:

Proven Methods to ensure Stress Free Parenting

Are there really people out there who could claim such a thing? Well with the newest technologies in today’s society. Who knows? I can only imagine a group of therapist have gotten together and created a well-behaved child program.

What? Everybody has to evolve with the times!!!

My overworked crazy brain begins rewriting the article and it goes like this:

There are many different approaches to raising children available these days to assist parents in their plight. Some of them have proven to be more effective than others and have the tendency to depend on the natural disposition of the child. All in all a generalized plan of attack tends to boil down to the following steps.

  1. Teach and treat children with respect.
  2. Give children opportunities to make choices.
  3. Give children chores to instill responsibilities.
  4. Throw all the rules out the window.

Here’s how it really goes down…

You politely ask the child you love more than life itself to clean their hazmat area called a room thinking it to be a simple chore. They will respectfully inform you that their room is clean and they know where to find all of their stuff. You gently explain that covering the entire floor in the room is not a form of organization. Nuclear breakdown commences 3..2..1.. the full blown blast of whining, complaining, and stomping has begun. In time a blanket of silence falls. Your smiling child once again appears and lovingly tells you they have cleaned most of the room and have now decided they would rather play.

The soon to be famous NAWSAP (National Association of Wanna Slap A Punk formed to prevent the decline in humanity) releases the results of their extensive research programs. The figures have conclusively come to indicate (in the 90 percentile) the best method for Stress Free Parenting would be to simply avoid having children!

Otherwise you will find yourself reading oxymoronic articles in the paper desperately hoping they will provide you actual knowledge.  Then have a life altering experience when the men from NAWSAP  bust down your door and begin closing in on you. All before you are able to make yourself a cup of much needed coffee.

 

A REAL Parent,

Savoury

 

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Turning multi-tasking into a dangerous artform

April 26, 2013   Savoury   1 Comment

Driving into work I found my boyfriend and I, (a term coined by co-workers and no, Mr. Savoury is not jealous in the slightest) better known to others as traffic, were on semi-peaceful terms. There were no accidents or major stalls due to vehicles or construction. So all in all there was only congestion to deal with due to a ever growing city. I happened to pass (literally) by an uncommon phenomenon. In a blue late model Nissan Altima that the infamous Kelly Blue Book would have categorized as good condition due only to its age, sat a woman. Or should I say was driven by a woman? Either way! There she was traveling along side me somewhat and what I saw her doing was worth stealing a second glance.

In a brief moment I was able to observe her in her own habitat. Her window was lowered causing her hair she pulled up in a twist to dance around the top of her head. I assume she preferred this to an alternative given she had to let out the smoke her cigarette was creating. She seemed to feel right at home as she was reading her book.

You heard me!! She was reading a book. From the glimpse I caught I would bet it is a romance novel I am dying to read. Aside from that she was occupying a hand with a smoke and traveling down the freeway!

I was shocked!! How dare she get that book before me! Oh wait, I forgot to mention it was an arcaic thing people use to call a paperback (this is a thick object that has pages made of paper that actually have to be turned that are printed on). I guess I should have been elated to see she wasn’t using her phone, to read, send texts, or heaven forbid what it is designed for to call someone. I digress! I can only assume this is a common occurence for her. I mean who else would decide on a whim to conduct such death defying acts during rush hour just for giggles.

I found some reassurance in the fact her car was not sporting any dents or knicks from a previous to die for story…. I did however verify we had a bigger buffer area between us. Then I had to grin as I quickly envisioned an image of her ditching her daily duties to sneak in reading time. In desperation to reach the BEST parts of the novel. How could she not? She had trouble puttng it down on the way there afterall!

I am a true believer in multi-tasking since I wear many hats. Somehow I just don’t believe an opening scene from the twilight zone is the way I would go about it.

I have to get that book,

Savoury

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Literature Majors….Not Needed

April 25, 2013   Savoury   1 Comment

I am not opposed to a kind worded helpful person whom has caught one of my many spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistakes. Lord knows everyone is going to make them. However I have come across some personalities in the past who have taken their precious time and energy to help insure the English language is upheld to the highest of regards.

Light heartedly I have read through the blood laden corrections. That may or may not be an overstatement. Smile at the thorough comprehension of our complex language that they possess. I think about the wonderful teacher’s who have mastered their abilities to educate our youth. Then with due diligence I file it in file 13 with a blessing upon their heart.

Hey, I am a southern woman after all!!

I loved literature arts, well at least my transcripts said so, but now-a-days I have relinquished or better said lost my Rules to the English Language manual. I am sure it is somewhere in a back room, in the basement, down the hall of my five storied middle aged brain. I am sure of it! No, wait maybe I moved it to…it doesn’t matter.

I don’t see anything wrong with my love of run on sentences. I have come to accept my draw to put punctuation marks where they don’t belong. Mean while leaving the places that so deserve their attention alone to sulk. Besides if I were to write too well my friends would think I’ve grown lazy and hired a ghost writer. I would never, ever want them to have even the slightest resemblance of proof that could be twisted like this and used against me. So you can see why I must relay my thoughts as they come otherwise my clan will most definitely claim the gig is up!!

A misspellin,

Savoury

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