Boy it has been one of those mornings; you know the ones…..

You wake up at crack of noon and are raring to go a whole .00001 miles an hour to get to the coffee pot. I pour the water in on my now second attempt to start the blasted contraption and await the beloved perking sound. Settling into into a cozy seat I wonder why they call these machines automatic! I pick up the paper and a bold printed article screams out:

Proven Methods to ensure Stress Free Parenting

Are there really people out there who could claim such a thing? Well with the newest technologies in today’s society. Who knows? I can only imagine a group of therapist have gotten together and created a well-behaved child program.

What? Everybody has to evolve with the times!!!

My overworked crazy brain begins rewriting the article and it goes like this:

There are many different approaches to raising children available these days to assist parents in their plight. Some of them have proven to be more effective than others and have the tendency to depend on the natural disposition of the child. All in all a generalized plan of attack tends to boil down to the following steps.

1. Teach and treat children with respect.
2. Give children opportunities to make choices.
3. Give children chores to instill responsibilities.
4. Throw all the rules out the window.

Here’s how it really goes down…

You politely ask the child you love more than life itself to clean their hazmat area called a room thinking it to be a simple chore. They will respectfully inform you that their room is clean and they know where to find all of their stuff. You gently explain that covering the entire floor in the room is not a form of organization. Nuclear breakdown commences 3..2..1.. the full blown blast of whining, complaining, and stomping has begun. In time a blanket of silence falls. Your smiling child once again appears and lovingly tells you they have cleaned most of the room and have now decided they would rather play.

The soon to be famous NAWSAP (National Association of Wanna Slap A Punk formed to prevent the decline in humanity) releases the results of their extensive research programs. The figures have conclusively come to indicate (in the 90 percentile) the best method for Stress Free Parenting would be to simply avoid having children!

Otherwise you will find yourself reading oxymoronic articles in the paper desperately hoping they will provide you actual knowledge.  Then have a life altering experience when the men from NAWSAP  bust down your door and begin closing in on you. All before you are able to make yourself a cup of much needed coffee.

A REAL Parent,

Savoury